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Who should I marry?

The Bible teaches that God knows every detail of our lives. He has created us and given us gifts, skills and abilities (Ps 139:13) and He knows all the days of our lives before they come to be (Ps 139:16). Acts 17:26 explains that God even determines where we will live! From these scriptures we see a picture of a God who is concerned with the details of our lives; and that includes marriage.

The Bible tells us that God appoints some to marry and some to remain unmarried (see 1 Cor 7:7) and singleness is of high value in God's sight, enabling service of God with a full commitment that married people cannot offer. But if we are called to marry, we believe that God is concerned about who we should marry. However, before you ask the question: "Who should I marry?", you need to ask: "Do I have the kind of character the Bible describes when it talks about a godly husband or wife?" We spend a lot of time thinking about our prospective marriage partners and whether they are suitable for us, but rarely consider our own spiritual maturity or our readiness for marriage. That is where we must start before we consider the other person.

Men and women join in marriage in order to serve God together, so God has an interest in the suitability of the partnership. He desires that the personalities and gifts of the man and woman will complement and work with each other in marriage. When you consider how little newly married couples know each other, it is clear that they cannot possibly foresee all the circumstances of life ahead. But God sees the end from the beginning and it is a huge encouragement to know God’s leading and guidance in this area.

Below is a list of things to consider when thinking about marriage. Ask them of yourself first, and then of your prospective marriage partner. Then it's a good idea to get a pastor, friend or family member who knows you well to go through them same process. Marriage is something which will effect all other relationships, so to rush into a marriage without consulting those around you who love you would be very foolish.


  • He must be a believer - see 2 Corinthians 6:14-15
  • He must not be a divorcee- see Mark 10:10-12
  • He must be willing to leave his home for her, begin a new family with her and commit to her for life - see Mark 10:6-9
  • He should be equipped to lead in the relationship as described in – Ephesians 5:23-31
  • He should be able to provide for his family - 1 Timothy 5:8


  • She must be a believer - see 2 Cor 6:14-15
  • She must not be a divorced woman - see Mark 10:10-12
  • She is to be of beautiful character - see 1 Peter 3:3-4. (Also see Proverbs 31:10-31 which has much to say about the “Wife of noble character”)
  • She must honour, respect and submit to him. - See Ephesians 5:24-33
  • She should be happy to marry - see Genesis 24:57-58

On top of these, it is wise to consider whether you share a similar theological standpoint, whether you are physically attracted to each other, and whether they will make a good mother or father in the future. You may say “that is a long list”, but it is a great set of verses that will help you consider your readiness for marriage. Marriage is a whole life thing and there is no going back after the marriage ceremony, so it is really important to consider these things in depth before making that commitment.