Mary and Joseph were betrothed to be married.  Betrothal was a formal family agreement in which the man and woman were legally bound to be married to each other.  But they did not live or sleep together until probably a year later when they were publicly married.  That year was for the man to prepare a home for his bride and for the woman to get ready for the responsibilities of married life – and for the families to prepare for the wedding which always included the whole community.

During this time Mary became pregnant.  She would have told Joseph what God's angel had revealed to her, and that the Holy Spirit had enabled a baby to be alive in her womb, even though she was a virgin (Luke 1:26-38)!  However, it was far too big an idea for Joseph to believe; and he clearly did not.  The only assumption he could make was that Mary was either lying or deluded, because another man must have been involved; and Mary must have been carrying an illegitimate child.

Joseph's conscience was to uphold God’s law: although he was only betrothed and not married, the law (Deuteronomy 22:22-27) said that if the virgin girl was in a town, both she and the man should be stoned to death (she ought to have screamed for help if she was being raped).  But if she was in the country the girl should not be killed (nobody might hear her shouting).  Joseph probably wanted to assume this was a countryside incident.  He did not want to shame Mary or his own family's honour – so decided to divorce her quietly.  It was the best he could think of by himself.  But Matthew will go on to let his readers know, right at the beginning of the story, that Mary was right; and this baby was God’s Son, His Messiah (Matthew 1:20-25).

There are times when God's plan seems unbelievable.  It is not like anything we have previously experienced, and we cannot understand what is happening.  We even make plans to solve the problem ourselves.  The thing we expect and want does not happen; and something we could not imagine takes its place.  Confusion is everywhere in our mind.  Our conscience is troubled because we want to do the very best for God, and the other people involved.  There was no way that Joseph could understand what to do for the best, until God revealed the truth to him.  It is the same with us: so wait for the Lord to reveal His mind when you need to make decisions in a confusing situation. Proverbs 20:22 says: “Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong! Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.”